I am confused. Ha, nothing new you say? True, true, I am usually confused about something. Not that I am a fucktard mind you, I just happen to over think things until they become confusing to me. Sometimes it is a blessing, sometimes not so much. I have been sitting back and observing the people around me, those in my life that I consider(ed) close to me, you know, my friends. Now, I have said it before and I will say it again. I see and know more than I let on most of the time. I CHOOSE to not say things. I have to pick my battles wisely and well, I have just chosen one. I have seen things happening lately that I don’t like. Things that I would never do or say when it came to a friend of mine. I think that a friends numero uno role is as a supporter. You encourage, listen, guide and route for your friends. At least I do. Even if you do not like the decision I am making, it is my decision and either you stand behind me or you walk away. Sometimes I think walking away would be the better choice. I trusted you and you deceived me. You didn’t stand up for me, you didn’t support me. You pretended and that sucks ass. I know the facts because I research them. Did you know that you can find out where someone was when they accessed your email, Facebook, etc ? I think that is absolutely awesome. Does everyone know that I save proof in the form of texts, emails, etc. until I don’t need them anymore? I do. Anyways, point being this, I am done I think. I don’t have any desire to play the game with you. I know where I stand and I know why it is being done. It’s fine, I forgive you. Now moving on to bigger and better things that are fun.
I spent this weekend totally calm, in control and immersed in the things I love, all with some support. I even did a couple of things I am fearful of. Both my little ones had baseball games on Saturday and I went to both in the town where ADHD lives. I got to see him and Ankles coaching the teams and got to hear the resounding, “fuck they are here”, when I showed. It was decided that she looks like a possum and that was not decided by me so it was even better! Then at the afternoon game I was overjoyed to see that the boys half brother, the product of their “union” is STILL drinking a bottle!! He is 3 ½ years old. He was also sitting eating dirt and I believe rocks while she was busy paying more attention to the team. IT WAS GLORIOUS because I am a FAR SUPERB mother than she is. It was living, breathing, “ I don’t have to assume” proof, right there in front of me. Benjamin complained about going to bed the night before with the DVD on (they do that every night in bed because it’s how baby bro has been raised and they share a room) so, one more point for me. I know it sounds silly and petty but when you are constantly hounded by someone about these things and then you find out that they are actually lacking in the skills, it feels WONDERFUL! Bwahahahahaha….
After the games, we got to spend some time with friends of mine down in Wildomar. LOVE LOVE LOVE these guys and had so much fun. They are classic and damn they are funny as hell! Sunday, I went visiting some women that are becoming close to me and then to the beach for some laying in the sun and listening to the sounds. Here is the “fear” I overcame…I wore a bikini! The first I have worn in probably a decade and I even walked up Main street Huntington Beach with it on. I am not saying that I was totally comfortable but DAMN, I still did it. I have wonderful support helping me with these things and I am very grateful for that. This morning I got to go climb Mt Rubidoux to take pictures and had a great time sweating my ass off. Ending the day with some great salmon and pasta and now, I shall be snuggling in bed. Thanks for listening to my blabbering because I needed to get it out. Goodnight!