STELLAR…much of it.


“Meet me in outer space, we could spend the night, watch the earth come up. I’ve grown tired of that place, won’t you come with me, we could start AGAIIIINNNNNNNN….”

As I type this, the song is playing on repeat through the earbuds into the deep, dark and hidden areas of my brain. This song has such an amazing feeling to it and behind it. It has always meant something to me and at one point in my life it meant everything. There is a feeling in the pit of my stomach now, what is it? It’s complicated is what it is. 

I walked away because I had to, for both of us. I know that you understand even if you don’t “understand”. We spoke today of my saying something to the effect of “maybe in our next life”. We both know what I meant. We have found each other over and over before now and I’ve every reason to believe that we will again. It’s been years since we last spoke and you were correct when you said that we were best friends. I thought you were lost to me until next time and I thought I had accepted that. I shouldn’t think so much. I missed you. More than I realized or allowed myself to admit. Thank you for today.

As the song repeats, I feel THAT moment in time that was ours. As tears roll down my face, I wonder about all the why’s again. My last thought is this…what exactly constitutes a “lifetime”?




About angrypumpkinoutofcontrol

Who am I? You know, oddly enough I don’t know what to say. I am a single (again) mom in So Cal. I am trying to get myself and my 3 boys through life. I am a cynical romantic. I am opinionated and generally not afraid to share said opinions. I am a daughter, probably not always the greatest but it’s my 1st time being a daughter and I’m still learning. I am a friend, this I am generally better at aside from the occasional slip from grace. I am funny (I hear), intelligent (it’s why my BFF chose me) and a neat freak with a streak of OCD. I am told that I scare men and little kids. I don’t know what I want to be when I grow up except happy, at peace, stable. I have many good people in my life and many people that have walked out. Focus on what you have. I have no idea the things I should write here. What do you people want from me?

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