WHERE OH WHERE DID THE PUMPKIN QUEEN GO?

Hidey Ho there neighbors. How is everyone? I guess I kind of went MIA for a minute, didn’t I? Oh well, **BOO**, here I am. I have decided that I shall give you the gift of surprise for hanging in there. What does that mean? Well, Cuz J has taught me to write my stuff out and then sit on it overnight so that I don’t blow it too bad HOWEVER, right now, I am free styling it. It will be a surprise to me also. Could go bad, might go stellar. Who knows? Anyone want to start a pool?

Let’s see, hmmmmm, what do I have to catch you up on? I have been a little busy trying to settle back in to the school thing with the boys. I have most likely obtained the VP/Ways and Means PTA position at school, a spot on the School Site Council and I am attending the School Smarts Parents Academy. I have also devoted my Tuesdays to volunteering in both classrooms, one morning, one afternoon. I like to think of it as “Harper Valley” like.

The boys and I took the 2nd half of our vacation to Reno shortly after returning from Oregon. It was a bit of a stressful, emotional journey but one we were supposed to travel.

I am poor. So very poor that I think my head is going to explode every other day from the stress of it. I am so tired of being poor. Over it. Done. I wish it would go away that easy. I sometimes wonder what the lesson is in being continually broke. Any ideas? I am sick of telling my kids “no” constantly. People are all around praying to win the Powerball Lottery, I am just hoping that the universe drops a grand on my coffee table before bending me over again. I am pretty creative though and have started making little tutus for girls of all ages. I am even doing 3 right now for teachers at my aunts school. They are pretty popular and are bringing in a little cash. Better than selling my ass on the corner, right?

I am going on the “Inland Empire Corset Run” next Saturday and am super excited about it! It’s going to be a good time.

 

Desperation is all around me though it seems. I look at the people I love and almost everyone has big shit going on. Everyone is drowning. I am a little awe struck by it actually. How much stuff can actually go all bad in one clutch of people? I suppose I shouldn’t have asked that because it could always be worse I guess. I have realized that the “bad” humans like ADHD and Ankles seem to come out smelling like honeysuckle ( I don’t like the smell of roses) because they have no morals. No standards. They don’t care who they hurt therefore it is easier to stay on top.

 

My depression peaks and then falls. It is dark and lonely in that hole but I just keep talking myself through it until the light shines a little again. Most never even know what’s going on because I keep it to myself for the most part. No need to bring anyone down any further. It is enough to see my friends with long faces and stress lines. Making themselves sick because of it.

I wish I could win Powerball because I could fix a lot of things for some people, a lot of people.

 

Okay, there is my check in and it didn’t turn out very fun. I am somewhat disappointed in my outlook.

Goodnight. 

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(BI)POLAR BARE?

 

 

I wrote a short story and it was published, AMAZING! What if nobody likes it? What if people think I am a freak because of what I wrote? Who cares what people think of me? I don’t. I do. What day is today? Maybe then I can figure out who I am. I know who I am. I am kind, generous, FABULOUS, friendly, outgoing, karma driven to love and do good, creative and damn good looking. From what I hear, my tits are great for being almost 41 too. I am depressed, desperate, the biggest bitch you ever met. I sulk and hide, I look in the mirror and see complete ugliness, I do what I want and answer to nobody, not even your god. My tits could be way better for $4000.

I love my children more than life itself and would gladly lay myself down on the railroad tracks to save them. I get frustrated. I am proud. My friends are generally of the highest quality. I find myself slumming it. I love you and I can’t stand you in the same visit. I am not better than any other human being however, you are beneath me. Should I do it again? Any of it. Should I do any of it again? I would you know. I would tweak things a little. Maybe I would go out and fuck someone else so that when you treat me like shit, you will have a reason. When you let Ankles treat me like shit, she’s just protecting your heart and interests. Instead of being sad and passive, I would show Ankles what is supposed to happen after a wife finds pics like that on her husbands phone. I am weak but strong. I am happy now with my life. Happier than I have been in years and you can’t continue to take from me. Why? He isn’t going to let you. I’d like to introduce you to…

I love Eyeore but he’s driving me nuts. Always under foot, tripping me. He’s so sweet the way he always wants to be near me.

Mostly, I am closed of to the world. Nobody knows who exactly I am inside, what I am thinking or feeling from day to day. I am a puzzle. Sometimes though, I just bare it all. Watch me cry then scream. I DO know who I am, the question is, do YOU know who YOU are?