I LOVE DRAMA….SAID, NO ONE EVER!

I’m sitting at Stacey Q’s house with TiffyCanoe, getting ready to have a drink and a few more laughs before heading home to my boring, quiet life in my sad little apartment with Eyeore. NOT! I love my apartment, I love my boys, I love Eyeore, I love my weekday boredom being the 2000’s version of June Cleaver. Mostly right now, I LOVE my friends. I have been taking in stories, complaints, thoughts and solutions about drama. Family drama, friend drama, work drama, stranger drama, and of course your own personal innermost never tell anyone drama.

We all have drama despite how much we “hate it”. Every time we bitch about someone, we create it. Every time we fight with someone, we create it. Every time we can’t make up our damn minds, we have it. We decide to have sex with someone, yep just invited it in.  May as well just get used to it, embrace it and start saying that we LOVE it.

I heard TiffyCanoe tell a family drama story a little while ago that made me laugh so hard and double snort that I actually wished I had been part of her family that day.   It was like a National Lampoon movie script and if the day ever comes that I am cruising down the aisle for the 4^th time to the sounds of “Smack my Bitch Up”, I will definitely give a chuckle to the memory.

Drama involving your own children has got to be the worst, regardless of their age but the older they get the harder it is because you have to face the inevitable “I have to let them go and do it on their own” scenario. When we are young, I don’t think that we realize some of the things our own parents thought about and had to face but as our children grow up, we start to realize how difficult it must have been for them sometimes. It is hard to give good substantial advice, have them look at you like you are a complete moron and then walk away knowing they won’t listen to a word you say at this moment in time and that they will wind up hurting, just like you did all those years ago. Trial and error and our own individual journey, all we can do is try to give them the tools they will need and then sit back and watch. Girl, you know who you are, yes I am talking to you, take a deep breath  and TRY not to worry too much, she will be okay. It’s just going to take a while.

This last week I have been thinking a lot about some super ancient drama that I feel like I need to address and I think that it deserves to be done in a public forum because this person deserves that. When I was very young, barely 18, I had a friend. She was a very good friend that I had known forever it seemed and we had played together as kids, hung out together as teens, when she moved south I even went to go visit her family there. I started “dating” this man and we decided to get married. He had already started the process of separating me from all of my friends and family that he could. He was/is still a total narcissist. One day I was talking about visiting her again and he tells me something that he knows will throw me off and keep me from talking to her. Deep down I knew it couldn’t be true but he had me believing everything he said, so I never spoke with her again until about a year ago. I thought of her many, many times over the years and thanks to Facebook we found each other. I always thought about how badly it sucked for it to be like this but never really put much thought in to how she must have felt personally.  She was very close to my family and apparently she came to my house one day shortly after all this and my grandmother told her that I didn’t want to talk to her anymore because of what she did, when she never did anything. I am sure she was confused and hurt and to have to hear this from my grandma, a woman that she respected and cared about must have been the worst. I am sorry for this my friend, I can’t even express how much. I, angry pumpkin, cannot find the right word, “worst” was the best I could do and that’s like a 2 on a scale of 1-10. My heart sinks that grandma is not here for me to stand in front of her and tell her what an idiot I am, I did have a talk with her though. I think I may be mostly sorry that I took away from you that last little bit of time that she had to play rummy. Thank you for being such an awesome person that you “get it”.

Happily brought to you by Angry Pumpkin the Drama Queen.

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ONE THINGS FOR SURE….LOVE STINKS

This blog we are going to get down and dirty so I am adding a disclaimer. **ANYONE  related to me, especially MOM, you may want to think twice or 3 times about reading further because this could end up totally innocent or totally not, I don’t know yet.**  Ha, so there you have it, the choice is now yours!

This post, well, as you can see from the title is about love. Good love, bad love, here love, there love, up love, down love, where the F**K is my love, LOVE! Love is addictive, fun, sad and a pain in the ass. Why do we crave it so and then cry over it. It’s stupid, we must be stupid. How do you control your heart or emotions or your mind for that matter? Why do we make mental lists of what we want and need and then when we finally find someone with all those qualities, at least 98% of them, do we decide to throw them to the curb because they drink hot sauce out of the little cup. I mean really? My BFF HiHi says that I have to decide what I can live with and what I can’t. I don’t know what those things are, they are case by case as you know and no man has passed (as of yet). Instead of a sign that says, “take a number and wait your turn” it should say, “ don’t bother taking a number, take me on a date, make me happy and then go away because in 3 days I won’t be answering your texts anyways”! Whoo, that’s a mouthful or sign full I suppose. Why is that? Trust issues? Boredom? They aren’t good enough? I’m not good enough? After 4 years maybe I just don’t want your S**T in my house. Anyone, anyone? Bueller. Bueller?

I am a self-proclaimed over thinker. I admit it and can’t control it. I don’t know how to stop my thought process; I don’t know how to meditate. I have been trying by order of the therapist but thus far have been unsuccessful.  I am the person next to you in yoga class with racing thoughts figuring out exactly which path to take home to get the most done.  I am a nitpicker. What can I say; I am getting old and set in my CDO ways. I like things my way and cringe at the thought of having to “bend” to accommodate another living in my home one day while at the same time yearning for it. I am obviously psychotic and in desperate need of a medication change. Besides love there are practical reasons for wanting a man around and no, I don’t need you to fix things, I got that covered! The help with bills, household cleaning and such, child rearing (no they don’t need another daddy but sometimes a man saying “NO” is more effective than mom saying it). I had CPS called on me by ADHD (my ex-a dick head dad) and his partner Ankles (she’s 3 feet below a C**T) during our recent court battle because they wanted to try to dig something up. Of course CPS walked in and shook their heads wondering why they were here EXCEPT for the fact that I have bipolar disorder and Riverside County apparently likes to take children away from parents with mental illness especially if there is no “partner” in the home to help out. WOW! Can you say “mail order groom”?

When ADHD first cheated with Ankles and knocked her up and we split/divorced I wanted no part of keeping men. I wanted you all but didn’t want to keep you. I had no reason to, in my head you all sucked. In the last couple of years I have been coming out of it and I actually even had a 6 month relationship with a complete douche but I kept him around for super-secret reasons plus companionship. Now, I am trying not to run but I am a runner. I will find a reason to go and I will go. Fast. There is always a pre-cursor though. Something sets me off, something you do or say that isn’t right, doesn’t sit well with me, turns my over thinker up to high. I HAVE been making the conscious decision NOT to run though! HiHi says I need to be alone. I don’t want to be alone. The holidays are coming again and even though I can go to someone’s house if my boys are gone or even if they are here, I always have to come home…alone. It is getting depressing. I look at my friends and I am jealous. I look at aunts, parents, uncles, exes and well, woe is me. Eyeore and I, ha-ha, he is the only male that gets to sleep with me on a regular basis! Go Eyeore! These things I know. I am not unattractive, I am not unintelligent (this surprises a lot of people), I am funny and fun to be around and I am passionate and caring. I know that even if I am turned in to a zombie during the apocolypse I will still be attractive (picture provided). Some man out there will be very happy when he finds me. So will I.

Grandpa told me recently, “You will know when you are in love”. I believe him. Now I just wait, like with the worms.