Life on the Edge of the Familiar yet Unknown

Life. What is it exactly and why does it consist of so many conflicting things? It seems that the more we overthinkers think about it, the more we realize the conflict and confusion that swarms in every day life. Do the people who live the self proclaimed “stress free” life really not see these things or are they stress free because they choose to not think about the wonder and horror that greets the world every day?

I was sitting out front of my cousins house this morning, having coffee and trying to guess if the temperature had hit 100 degrees yet and wondering IF it had then why was I not sitting in the river yet. See, conflict. Happiness, sadness, joy, pain (both emotional and physical), anger, resignation and determination are just a few of the endless list that create storms within us and our worlds. I am not going to give any other specific examples because I want each soul reading this to be able to reach into themselves and wonder about their own personal conflicts and the whys that accompany them. How does it get shut out so that we carry on happily? Is anyone REALLY happy? Is it just a lot of fake happy like for Facebook, Twitter and Instagram status or is there a true happy somewhere in a far away land that GPS doesn’t take most humans to? Do we need a secret handshake? Password? Do we need to get jumped in to be in that exclusive gang? If we aren’t feeling like we are as happy and unconflicted as the rest of “normal” society does that then make us weak or mentally unstable? Does it make us cray cray or does it make us normal human beings with true and real admissions and emotions? Does either way make anyone more “real”?

I seem to have quite the knack for making anything sound confusing, perhaps I should be proud of that. Today’s confusion has been brought to you by the letter “H” and the dog spirit animal. Carry on.

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WHERE OH WHERE DID THE PUMPKIN QUEEN GO?

Hidey Ho there neighbors. How is everyone? I guess I kind of went MIA for a minute, didn’t I? Oh well, **BOO**, here I am. I have decided that I shall give you the gift of surprise for hanging in there. What does that mean? Well, Cuz J has taught me to write my stuff out and then sit on it overnight so that I don’t blow it too bad HOWEVER, right now, I am free styling it. It will be a surprise to me also. Could go bad, might go stellar. Who knows? Anyone want to start a pool?

Let’s see, hmmmmm, what do I have to catch you up on? I have been a little busy trying to settle back in to the school thing with the boys. I have most likely obtained the VP/Ways and Means PTA position at school, a spot on the School Site Council and I am attending the School Smarts Parents Academy. I have also devoted my Tuesdays to volunteering in both classrooms, one morning, one afternoon. I like to think of it as “Harper Valley” like.

The boys and I took the 2nd half of our vacation to Reno shortly after returning from Oregon. It was a bit of a stressful, emotional journey but one we were supposed to travel.

I am poor. So very poor that I think my head is going to explode every other day from the stress of it. I am so tired of being poor. Over it. Done. I wish it would go away that easy. I sometimes wonder what the lesson is in being continually broke. Any ideas? I am sick of telling my kids “no” constantly. People are all around praying to win the Powerball Lottery, I am just hoping that the universe drops a grand on my coffee table before bending me over again. I am pretty creative though and have started making little tutus for girls of all ages. I am even doing 3 right now for teachers at my aunts school. They are pretty popular and are bringing in a little cash. Better than selling my ass on the corner, right?

I am going on the “Inland Empire Corset Run” next Saturday and am super excited about it! It’s going to be a good time.

 

Desperation is all around me though it seems. I look at the people I love and almost everyone has big shit going on. Everyone is drowning. I am a little awe struck by it actually. How much stuff can actually go all bad in one clutch of people? I suppose I shouldn’t have asked that because it could always be worse I guess. I have realized that the “bad” humans like ADHD and Ankles seem to come out smelling like honeysuckle ( I don’t like the smell of roses) because they have no morals. No standards. They don’t care who they hurt therefore it is easier to stay on top.

 

My depression peaks and then falls. It is dark and lonely in that hole but I just keep talking myself through it until the light shines a little again. Most never even know what’s going on because I keep it to myself for the most part. No need to bring anyone down any further. It is enough to see my friends with long faces and stress lines. Making themselves sick because of it.

I wish I could win Powerball because I could fix a lot of things for some people, a lot of people.

 

Okay, there is my check in and it didn’t turn out very fun. I am somewhat disappointed in my outlook.

Goodnight.